When the Holidays Hurt: Understanding Seasonal Triggers Through a Trauma-Informed & ACE-Aware Lens

The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, connection, and celebration. But for individuals with a history of trauma or Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), this time of year can stir up emotions that feel heavy, confusing, or out of place.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed, irritable, shut down, or “not yourself” as the holidays approach, you are not alone. And importantly—you are not broken. Your nervous system may simply be responding to cues it learned long ago.

Let’s explore why this happens, what it means, and how you can care for yourself with compassion this season.

Why the Holidays Can Trigger Old Wounds

The emotional and sensory demands of the holiday season can quietly reactivate memories or survival responses tied to earlier adversity.

1. Family Dynamics That Reopen Old Pain

Returning to family environments can feel like stepping into a time capsule. Even as an adult, being around the people or places tied to childhood trauma may activate memories of:

Your body remembers... even when your mind tries to move on.

2. Pressure to “Be Okay”

The expectation to be cheerful, social, and available can be overwhelming. For trauma survivors, especially those with ACEs, this can mirror childhood patterns of people-pleasing, masking emotions, or suppressing needs.

3. Sensory Overload

Crowded stores, loud gatherings, bright lights, disrupted routines, and overstimulation can feel overwhelming for a nervous system primed for threat detection.

This isn’t overreacting—it’s physiology.

4. Grief, Loss, & Loneliness

The holidays can magnify:

This season often brings both tenderness and ache.

How ACEs Shape Holiday Stress Responses

Adverse Childhood Experiences create long-term changes in how an individual responds to stress. During the holidays, this can look like:

These reactions aren’t weaknesses. They’re survival strategies your nervous system learned to protect you during childhood.

Signs You’re Feeling Triggered During the Holidays

You might notice:

• Feeling tense or “on edge”

• Exhaustion from social interactions

• Trouble sleeping

• Irritability toward small things

• Wanting to keep your distance

• Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected

• Anxiety about gatherings

• Shame for not feeling “festive”

Awareness is not just insight—it’s empowerment.

Supporting Your Nervous System During the Holiday Season

Here are gentle, research-based ways to navigate this time with compassion:

1. Validate Your Experience

Your reactions make sense. Your nervous system is responding to old patterns, not modern threats.

2. Use Values-Based Boundaries

Ask yourself:

• What matters most to me?

• What do I want to move toward this holiday season?

• What boundaries protect my energy, mental health, or healing?

You can choose:

• Shorter visits

• Saying “no” without guilt

• Creating new traditions

• Leaving when you feel overstimulated

• Spending the holiday with chosen family

3. Build “Reset Moments” Into Your Day

Give yourself options to regulate:

• Step outside for fresh air

• Walk away from the crowd

• Practice mindful breathing

• Grounding (5-4-3-2-1)

• Sit in your car for a break

• Text someone supportive

Self-regulation is not avoidance—it’s self-protection.

4. Make the Holidays Your Own

You are allowed to redefine what this season means to you. Consider traditions rooted in:

• Peace

• Faith

• Rest

• Community

• Creativity

• Nature

• Meaningful connection

You are not required to recreate childhood traditions that hurt you.

5. Seek Support When Needed

Healing thrives in safe, supportive relationships. Therapists, mentors, faith leaders, culturally responsive healers, and trauma-informed behavior analysts can help you move toward greater emotional safety and self-connection.

A Final, Compassionate Reminder

Healing is not a straight line. Triggers don’t mean you’re back at the beginning. You are allowed to protect your peace. You are allowed to choose joy in small doses. You are allowed to set boundaries—even with family.

YOU are allowed to rewrite the story of what the holidays look like for you!

Creating PCEs: Breaking Generational Cycles Through Positive Childhood Experiences

Even if you grew up with ACEs, you have the power to reshape what the holidays, and everyday life, look like for the next generation. Positive Childhood Experiences (PCEs) are protective, healing experiences that strengthen resilience and buffer the effects of trauma.

You do not need perfection to give your children what you didn’t have. You just need presence, intention, and repair.

These PCEs act as buffers, helping children develop emotional stability, resilience, and self-worth... even if you’re still healing your own wounds.

Breaking Generational Curses Starts With One Brave Choice

Every boundary you set... Every cycle you interrupt... Every new tradition you create... Every moment you choose awareness over autopilot... Every time you offer your child the safety you didn’t receive... you are rewriting the narrative for your family.

You are healing backwards and forwards at the same time. And that is powerful!

A Closing Reflection from CYMBAL

At CYMBAL, we believe healing is not about erasing the past, it’s about creating safety, meaning, and choice in the present. The holidays can surface old wounds, but they can also become an opportunity to practice compassion toward ourselves and intention for the next generation.

If you are navigating this season with tenderness, know this: awareness is not weakness, boundaries are not selfish, and choosing a different path for your children is one of the most powerful acts of healing there is.

Through trauma-informed, values-based, and culturally responsive care, CYMBAL exists to support individuals, families, and communities as they move from survival to alignment... one moment, one relationship, one choice at a time.

Staying Connected with CYMBAL

If this reflection resonated with you and you’d like continued support:

• Schedule a consultation to explore values-based, trauma-informed services tailored to you or your family.

• Subscribe to our newsletter for gentle reminders, seasonal reflections, practical tools, and updates on trainings, resources, and community offerings.

There is no pressure—only an invitation to connect when and if it feels supportive.

May this season meet you with gentleness. May you give yourself permission to rest, to repair, and to redefine what connection looks like. And may the cycles you interrupt today become the safety your children grow within tomorrow.

With Love,

The CYMBAL Team